Dinner from the Captain
by Elma MacBetsy
Summary: I didn’t know why it was bothering me so much. I’d called her whore before – called her worse things than that, even. So why did I now have a mighty powerful urge to apologise?


**I started writing this after I re-watched the pilot after more than a year. I wondered why the Ambassador thing, which is made out to be a long running thing suddenly stops after that episode.**

**Dinner from the Captain**

I didn't know why it was bothering me so much. I'd called her whore before – called her worse things than that, even. Upset her more than once, or so Kaylee told me when she was mad at me. Mostly, Inara just came back with her own insults, better ones than I could ever come up with, what with her educated vocabulary.

Perhaps it was the 'ambassador' part. If you asked me, whore was just an apt job description. Ambassador was, in all honestly, more of a ridicule than an insult. But then I'd called her _that_ before too. Many times. Point of fact, so had the rest of the crew. Introductions had to made, what with all the new people on the- Oh. I realised suddenly why this was different. Why I felt that perhaps her offense was justified. Shepherd book.

I had employed a crew of open minded people. Jayne liked pretty girls, didn't much matter to him what else they did. Wash was from a planet closer to the core than the rest of our origins were, so was more used to Companions. Kaylee…well, given how I'd met her, it had always been clear that she had an ease with sex that most people from her planet didn't. Zoe had been a soldier too long; she didn't question how other people lived their lives. It was only me who'd ever objected to Inara's profession, and I knew that that was just me being unable to escape the Christian-farm boy mindset I'd been taught on Shadow. But I was the captain and a soldier. I never believed it to be any of my business how she chose to live. Shepherd Book was the only person on board Serenity right now who might disapprove of what she did, and, even if he was only a temporary guest, I'd known that full well when I'd decided how to introduce the two.

I'd made her feel judged. And that was the difference. Why, however, I now had a mighty powerful urge to apologise was a different issue.

We'd never righted our wrongs before. We'd argue and bicker and abuse each other, then we'd go our separate ways and by the next morning all was usually forgotten. I'd never felt the need to tell her I was sorry before, and I'd expected that if I ever did, my pride wouldn't allow it. So I couldn't explain what I so very much wanted to do.

I sat at the dining table a few minute longer, going over the decision in my head. I'd followed my instincts blindly for a long time. Questioning them wasted time, time that you didn't always have. And, in this case at least, finding the answer might be more troublesome. It was best to do what you wanted and forget about it. I never allowed myself to examine my feelings too deeply, and so, with that in mind, I began searching for a way to let Inara know I was sorry without actually having to speak the words myself.

My gaze fell upon the remaining food from dinner that had yet to be stored away. Inara had missed dinner, and we so rarely had real food… But how to get it to her? I wasn't willing to see her myself, and any of my crew would immediately jump to conclusions, 'specially Kaylee. She'd think that this was a secret declaration of love or some suchlike. So who to send…

Shepherd book was quietly talking to Wash in the doorway.

"Shepherd, a word please?" I asked. He nodded, quickly finishing his conversation and coming over to where I sat.

"Something I can help you with, Captain?" I nodded.

"I noticed that Inara missed all that actual food you and Kaylee cooked up. Veg and the like are real scarce in the black, so I figure she might like some. I'd send one of the crew, but we have a lot of work…" Shepherd Book frowned.

"I'm not sure she'd want me there, Captain. I fear I may have offended her earlier." I paused. I hadn't thought of that. This was perfect. If I forced them to talk, Shepherd could apologise to her. He could make her feel less judged, thus righting my wrong.

"'magine she'd be a mite happier seein' you, than me Shepherd." I chuckled hollowly. "Anyways, do you think you could drop some food round to her?" He hesitated for a second then acquiesced, heading over to the counter and fetching a plate. I hoped that this would work out. I hoped that she would understand what it was I was trying to do, both by sending the food and the Shepherd. I hoped that she'd understand that it was a lot for me to even think of making such a gesture. And I hoped that later, I'd remember how I felt now before ridiculing her again.


End file.
